Its 4 in the morning and I cant sleep thinking about how lifeless I have become this summer, thinking about how different this new school year will be. The first one is always the best its your chance to be someone completely different if you want, meet more people like you and be on your own. No matter what it’s a great experience playing field hockey and lacrosse seem completely useless and a waste of a lot of my freshmen year but I could not regret playing one bit, sure my coach made me go through stages of depression and worked us very hard but very worth it. Made great friends, don't know how many I will be in touch with but it was great while it lasted. Joined a sorority which seems worth every minute but I now have this haunting fear that it's just not going to be as good. I mean it will always be amazing, great parties an amazing bond, and being part of a whole new community of people but the drama the dedication the bitching but I guess all the advantages makes the rest not matter, just have to take it day by day and live in the moment.

Well, I was looking though a photo album that has a lot of memories in it, high school proms, field hockey camp, snowboarding trips, random outings, photo shoots and great great great memories. The one that I found the most touching was a picture of rich and I on the morning after we meet. I love the picture, I don’t look my best but it doesn’t matter because its with him.  That night was amazing; I even have a picture with the girl from down the hall while I was waiting for rich to come I remember how excited and nervous I was. When he first came I remember it being so awkward but then we finally kissed and as soon as our lips met it was perfect.  It was cute both of us passed out for like 2 hours then we got up and watched a movie, we both fell asleep again. When we woke up we just laid and bed and talked all well, afternoon. We took the most amazing shower than laid there as we listened to a CD he had made me I remember it sucking so badly that we had to go our separate ways. But it only got better from there we spent thanksgiving together my first holiday with a boy and his family. Than man so many great weekends…. Then out of no where I don’t know what happened I wish nothing ever did I want nothing more than to be with him, I don’t know why every time I think I’m over him and I talk myself out of him I fall right back for him. I believe I am in love with him if not I was at some point and I am just hanging on to him and his memories because it was the first and only love I have had and the best time of my life.

I know this will peobably not get read but if anyone does read this I would love to hear opinions.

so basically i dont blog any more cause well 1 i dont have time and 2.. i jsut dont..

but i cant sleep and i have a lot on my mind

so i work  now.. surprising.. i work at a bra store as much as it sucks its not that bad..

we even made a song

Ode to Maidenform
Part One
Tara and Brittney

Maidenform oh Maidenform
You have a ton of bras and underwear

Maidenform oh Maidenform
We’ll see you in there buying your girly wear

Maidenform oh Maidenform
The creepy Flexee guy love this store

Maidenform oh Maidenform
We even get cross dressers through our door
Granny panties, Flexees, and Minimizers too

Maidenform oh Maidenform
We even sell them in yellow, pink, and blue
So now we must get back to our jobs
And continue cleaning after the filthy slobs




Ode to Maidenform
Part Two
Tara and Alicia

Maidenform oh Maidenform
Your bins are not that great
I’m always here fixing them really late

Maidenform oh Maidenform
The kids touch everything in sight
One night I’m gonna start a fight

Maidenform oh Maidenform
The fitting rooms are always a mess
No matter how hard we work the put backs never become less

Maidenform oh Maidenform
3 for $25 never looks clean
The next time someone touches them I might have to get mean

Maidenform oh Maidenform
I pat hangers all day long
That is why I was forced to make this stupid song

yah ok back to blogging...

soooo theres this boy... RIch ...

we've been talking a lot latly and i cant hadle it cause.. well...  still like him.. and he says he still does too but he doesnt want a girl firned totally fine with me cause i dont want a boy frind right now any way.. but i wouldlike what we used to have i guess... or..basically i want property rights.. he says he doesnt want a girl friend that fine but when hes ready i still want it to be me.... wow selfish of me.. but i cant like wait for him..and i know he isnt asking me to but i want to ... i want to be with him... ugh,... we'll see with this goes when school starts and he is hopefully going to kean and staying with me a lot... hopoefully... is it sad that thats all i want!

 its 3am and i have not slept all week maybe if i spill my guts i can catch some Zzz's.

boys, summer, house

I am the type of person that falls into "like" with some one rather easy, im easy going and I believe I connect well with people well after this falling in to like something goes wrong this has happened to me a lot in the past well year so I getting over it not working out but for some reason there has to be the one person that you stay bent up on....

I had reached the point where I believed I was over him even though I thought about him every day and checked the away message cause well when you like someone your always interested in what they were up to... There was something about him that was differnt he really hit me hard any other person I had been with I wished was him... pretty pathetic I know... I want to do something but there is nothing to do he is out of my mind as much I can get him out but every time I hit the bed I find myself thinking of him... Its crazy cause I have had my fair share of fellows every time something happens I come out with it alone and they get married, a girl friend, or always just move on to someone else when am I going to be the one that finds someone that makes ME happy.... I  thought  I had but wrong again...

Its weird school ended like 2 weeks ago and I feel like I have been away from everyone for so long... New Egypt man I swear its going to be the death of me. I used to LOVE it here... man what was wrong with me! Then I met some great people and lives away from my parents and their rules and curfew and I learned how to have a great time I met people that I truly can't live with out and I realized all the people here that I don't even want to deal with...  Being away from everyone all year really changes people when you get back together you realize everything is differnt and you don't want to do the same stuff you did with them... there are still 2 NE people that will always have my heart  you know who you are. But if this summer stays like this its going to be the death of me.

As of right now a few of my sisters and I are in the process of trying to get a place to live near school. There are so many Pros to this plan 1. way cheaper than the dorms 2. Move in soon and be with my sisters 3. No parent rules 4. Other.  However there are a few Cons but I don't feel like being negative about the situation... As much as I want this I don't know if its what I really want. But I want it soo Bad! I don't know why all of a sudden Im not as excited about this its all I wanted since the end of April. Its kinda bugging me that Im not as excited...

Latly I have been pretty blah about everything there is no one to time up time in my mind like emptyness....

I don't even know if any of this makes sense since its 3:30 in the morning and I have not slept all week sorry if you read this its just some of the things running though my head

Lacrosse

went to cali

joined a sorority

Nu Sigma Tau

NO more rich!

http://www.myspace.com/diamondsnguns17

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever.

Well that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate and yoru back do doing the next pain in the ass thing.

So it's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard. And we're going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day.